North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, son of ruler Kim Jong-il and heir apparent to the dictatorship, sent a text to Gamal Mubarak, son of recently overthrown Egyptian tyrant Hosni Mubarak: “Dude, tough break on getting overthrown. My dad is smart enough to know if you don’t feed people they can’t tweet. LOL” PS did your cousin really bang that old dude Berlusconi?” Later.
I see two federal agents were shot and one killed in the line of duty. No, I am not talking about the ICE officials who were attacked in Mexico, I am talking about the U.S. Marshalls that were shot serving a warrant in West Virginia. Deputy U.S. Marshal Derek Hotsinpiller was killed trying to serve a warrant to Mr. Charles Smith who was wanted for possession and intent to distribute cocaine. Wayne LaPierre, President of the NRA, must be happy that Mr. Smith was able to maintain his 2nd Amendment rights.
Speaking of Mr. LaPierre, hey isn’t that French?, he and the rest of his cronies need to stop citing bogus statistics that states with lax gun laws (or in NRA parlance ‘free carry states’) have lower violent crime statistics. Simply not true.
I see the new Monopoly game has eliminated cards and money. Instead some dark tower in the center of the board monitors the game and an ATM type device tracks transactions and balances while you and your fellow hobbits circle the board. Since there is no banker, one player is designated ‘China’ and he can extend credit to all players so that they can buy properties even f they lack the cash. Eventually, all players borrow beyond the means and the Chinese keep lending and with that loose monetary policy inflation kicks in and suddenly Baltic Avenue costs $1,000. The game ends when a secret player, called the tax payer, comes in and covers everybody’s debt. I can hardly wait for the new Risk.
I see Arizona Representative Jeff Flake is already under fire from the right for even considering the concept of immigration reform. Don’t cave Jeff! Stick to your fiscally conservative guns and do what is socially right. JD Blowhard Hayworth is talking about another run for the senate, good call because your run against McCain went so freaking well.
Somali pirate Abduwali Abdiqadir Muse was sentenced to 33yrs 9mos for his involvement in the attack on the Maersk Alabama in 2009. In a related story, Jack Kowalski, a retired steel worker from Pittsburgh said that 33 yrs and 9 months is no big deal, as he has been a Pittsburgh Pirates fan forever and it’s been 32 years since they last won a World Series. “If the kid can hit and run, they should sign him.”