1) Tonight is results night on DWTS or when Mrs. Diggapedia does her impression of Mr. Diggapedia watching football. For instance last week I discovered that DWTS judge Carrie Ann Inaba has a middle name that rhymes with trucking, at least that’s what I thought I heard being yelled from the other room.
2) While chowing down an awesome Whopper today at the DFW airport (save your condemnations I was hungry and weak) I noticed that on the fountain drink machine they had recommended soft drink/food pairings. They actually have a soda pop sommelier. Brilliant.
3) Latest brilliance from Dolphin linebacker Channing Crowder "Like they didn't see Chad Henne get hit twice when he slid. Yeah, a little Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank." Asked what the Anne Frank reference meant, Crowder said "Who was that? Is that the blind girl? Helen Keller ... I don't know who the f--- Anne Frank is. I'm mad right now. F--- it. I'm not as swift as I usually am.”
4) The Big East wants TCU to join the conference. That’s TEXAS Christian University. In related news the Pac Ten extends invitation to University of Miami to join its conference.
5) The recent chatter regarding changes to Social Security to stave off insolvency made me think of the outrageously hysterical satire ‘Boomsday’ by Christopher Buckley. Check it out and laugh your ass off.
6) Quilted Northern, Charmin, Angel Soft, and Cottonelle have all reduced the size of a piece of toilet tissue and the number of ‘squares’ per roll. Sorry Elaine, I don’t think anyone can afford to spare a square now.
7) Mr. Goodwrench became a victim of corporate restructuring today when GM fired him. When reached for comment Mr. Goodwrench said “Well I guess I will have some free time to go fishing with my old buddy Rusty Jones”. Jones had previously been laid off by GM in 1988.
8) Had my first debate last night with a fanatical conspiracy theorist. Some of the theories included: The Fed is owned by the Bank of England, Middle Eastern Oil comes from bacterial growth farms and not fossils, Ron Paul/Jesse Ventura will be the winning ticket in 2012, water fluoridation is a government mind control plan, and guns from America are NOT making it across the border to Mexico. We ran out of time before we could discuss Obama’s birth certificate, Area 51, 9/11, and what really happened to Dick York, the original Darren Stevens.
9) Glad to have Conan back on the air. The Diggapedia Top Three Late Night Shows: 3) Conan, 2) Jimmy Fallon, and 1) Craig Ferguson. Ferguson’s show is original and consistently funny. You will have the time of your life….in your pants.
10) Usually if I really like a book and it is made into a movie, I will go see it, and 99% of the time I end up disappointed. Well George W. Bush’s memoir has been published, but after watching the 8 year mini-series, I don’t think I can stomach the book unless it has pop-ups.