Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday Night Mishegas

Constantly bringing you the wide world of the absurd.

NFL’s NFC west standings and results:
Seattle 5-5: last game 34-19 loss to New Orleans
St. Louis 4-6: last game 34-17 loss to Atlanta
Arizona 3-7: last game 31-13 loss to KC
San Francisco 3-7: last game 21-0 loss to Tampa Bay
-        This division is the ACC of NCAA football, the Fox of late night TV, the MSNBC of cable news, the Massachusetts GOP of politics, the Brussels Sprouts of vegetables, and the M. Night Shyamalan of movie turkeys.

100,000 Latinos moved out of AZ and Governor Phyllis Diller Brewer says her SB1070 is doing what it was design to do: force illegal immigrants out of the country.  Two issues here: (1) the low voltage light bulb in her brain believes all Latinos are illegal immigrants and (2) when a state loses citizens it is never good for its economy.

Only 33% of boys born in the US in 2009 were circumcised.  I think the NFL is taking this helmet to helmet contact thing way too seriously. 

Skating with the Stars debuts tonight on ABC right after The Bristol Palin Dance Machine.  My audition as Zamboni driver was cut from the show; apparently the show’s producers frowned upon me trying to take out Bethenny Frankel during practice.

Airline travel just got more dangerous as recent tests indicated that 100% of planes tested positive for the strongest cat allergen.   Between cat owners and cats in the cabin, there is now real danger to those that are allergic to cats.  Time to get these mother f---ing cats off this mother f---ing plane.

Mark Zuckerberg is evil.  Apparently an 18 year old Italian boy suffered an Asthma attack when his girlfriend broke up with him, changed her status, posted who her new boyfriend was and then de-friended our victim.  Fortunately, Advair was nearby and came to the rescue.  What happened to asthma attacks from over exertion and poor air quality?

Justin Bieber’s high pitched teenage girl vocal styling that drives dogs crazy resulted in big time success at the AMA last night.  I bet if he was entered in the MMA, we would hear a similar high pitched screech without the competitive success.  

I see there was a Quidditch World Cup this weekend.  A world cup for a sport created as part of the Harry Potter story.  On the plus side at least it gets all of those dungeons and dragons players out of their parents’ basements and gets them outdoors to get some fresh air and sunshine.  Also, this world cup  represented biggest outdoor gathering of young men where no one got laid.

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