Monday Night Mishegas

Constantly bringing you the wide world of the absurd.

NFL’s NFC west standings and results:
Seattle 5-5: last game 34-19 loss to New Orleans
St. Louis 4-6: last game 34-17 loss to Atlanta
Arizona 3-7: last game 31-13 loss to KC
San Francisco 3-7: last game 21-0 loss to Tampa Bay
-        This division is the ACC of NCAA football, the Fox of late night TV, the MSNBC of cable news, the Massachusetts GOP of politics, the Brussels Sprouts of vegetables, and the M. Night Shyamalan of movie turkeys.

100,000 Latinos moved out of AZ and Governor Phyllis Diller Brewer says her SB1070 is doing what it was design to do: force illegal immigrants out of the country.  Two issues here: (1) the low voltage light bulb in her brain believes all Latinos are illegal immigrants and (2) when a state loses citizens it is never good for its economy.

Only 33% of boys born in the US in 2009 were circumcised.  I think the NFL is taking this helmet to helmet contact thing way too seriously. 

Skating with the Stars debuts tonight on ABC right after The Bristol Palin Dance Machine.  My audition as Zamboni driver was cut from the show; apparently the show’s producers frowned upon me trying to take out Bethenny Frankel during practice.

Airline travel just got more dangerous as recent tests indicated that 100% of planes tested positive for the strongest cat allergen.   Between cat owners and cats in the cabin, there is now real danger to those that are allergic to cats.  Time to get these mother f---ing cats off this mother f---ing plane.

Mark Zuckerberg is evil.  Apparently an 18 year old Italian boy suffered an Asthma attack when his girlfriend broke up with him, changed her status, posted who her new boyfriend was and then de-friended our victim.  Fortunately, Advair was nearby and came to the rescue.  What happened to asthma attacks from over exertion and poor air quality?

Justin Bieber’s high pitched teenage girl vocal styling that drives dogs crazy resulted in big time success at the AMA last night.  I bet if he was entered in the MMA, we would hear a similar high pitched screech without the competitive success.  

I see there was a Quidditch World Cup this weekend.  A world cup for a sport created as part of the Harry Potter story.  On the plus side at least it gets all of those dungeons and dragons players out of their parents’ basements and gets them outdoors to get some fresh air and sunshine.  Also, this world cup  represented biggest outdoor gathering of young men where no one got laid.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Secular American Jew and a Love for Israel

As many of you know, I have dedicated many postings to the State of Israel on a range of topics including: it’s history, the present day government, the Jewish-Palestinian question, and the region in general.   Growing up in a liberal conservative Jewish household (the oxymoron is quite common as American Jews were almost exclusively political liberals and the conservative branch of Judaism the most common) and attending Hebrew school as a kid you obviously build an affinity for the State of Israel.   I do not remember the Six-Day War of 1967, but I have vivid memories of celebrating Israel’s 25 th anniversary in 1973 and the Yom Kippur War later that year.   As a ten year old attending Yom Kippur services I saw the worried looks on my parents and the other adults at the shul as members of the congregation would periodically step outside to get news reports from car radios and transistor radios (We still drove and used electrical appliances during the high holidays, though several fam
Read more

September 10, 2001 was a Monday

Where were you on September 10, 2001?   What were you worried about?   What occupied your thoughts, worries, hopes, and dreams?   What were you excited about?   What were you interested in? September 10, 2001 was a Monday. Cindy and I were still laughing about the recent visit from the Three Amigas: Leah, Roseanne, and Valerie, and the adventures of Sedona, a certain screen door, a forgotten carrot cake, and breakfast for champions.   We were also dealing with a 1995 Chevy Blazer that seemed to be on its last legs, surviving our first Arizona summer, thinking about what to remodel in the house, dealing with the concept of a Home Owners Association, thinking that my best shot at a World Series game maybe with the fledgling Arizona Diamondbacks, and looking forward to a visit from Scott, Lori, and the boys. But what about America?   We knew nothing about a tiny town in Pennsylvania called Shanksville; Guantanamo Bay was the setting for A Few Good Men, and we still taped shows and listene
Read more

Sunni and Shia: So who are the bad guys again?

Baby faces vs. heals?   Cowboys vs Indians?   Good guy always where the white hat.   “Dig is he a good guy or bad guy?”   Bad guys always, looked, well, bad. You’re either with us or you’re against us.   Iraq, Iran, and North Korea are the axis of evil. Americans, for the most part, have a pretty simple outlook on conflict: just tell us who the bad guys are and we’ll know who to root against.   We tend to lump similar races and peoples into larger buckets, mostly due to the media’s inclination to treat us like potential Jeff Foxworthy competitors.   But the world is anything but simple and as I have written previously, the Middle East is as confusing and confounding place as you can find.   During the Iran and Iraq war of the 1980’s most Americans took the position that “…as long as they kill each other, I’m good.”   When civil war ravaged Afghanistan, we joined the side of the Mujahedeen because they were fighting the Soviets and the Soviets were our archenemy, a position they occupie
Read more