Friday, December 2, 2011

Happy Hour Drink Specials

Lawman of the Year recipient and former Arapahoe County (CO) Sheriff Patrick Sullivan Jr. was arrested for exchanging sexual favors for methamphetamine.  Ironically he is being held jail named after him.  In related news Michele Bachmann continues to deny rumors that her real birth name is Alcatraz
In Massachusetts a 1st grader could be facing possible sexual assault charge for allegedly striking another student in the groin in self-defense.  If a shot to the balls is considered sexual assault, then we may have found something to charge Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and others for what they did to the country.
Rumors circulating that upon exiting bankruptcy restructuring American Airlines may merge with US Airways because combining two steaming piles of dog crap is how you make a diamond.
Bachmann and Gingrich have been exchanging some shots lately about each other’s various challenges.  Though I would step into the fray with some GOP candidate challenges:
Gingrich is ethically challenged
Bachmann is factually challenged
Romney is personality challenged
Cain is credibility challenged
Paul is reasonability challenged
Perry is intellectually challenged
Huntsman is desirability challenged
If the employment numbers and GDP continue to move in the right direction, what will the Republicans hit President Obama with now that the kitchen sink is no longer in the arsenal?  Some will go birther, some will go anti-Israel, they’ll say he golfs too much, hell they’ll probably say he is a bad father. 
Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann both support the deportation of New York restaurant owner Babu Bhat, in a joint statement:  “Mr. Baht  is a very very bad man who may be connected to the Haqqani Network.”

This just in:  On December 27th, Donald trump will be hosting a forum in Des Moines for the Republican Presidential Candidates to be aired on the Ion network, whatever the hell that is.  Some immediate thoughts:
·         Douchebag candidates being moderated by an asshole (thanks Mr. AZModerate) brought to you by Massengill and Preparation H.
·         Please pretty please include Gary Busey
·         When do we expect the Sarah Palin Freedom Loving Family Values Debate?
·         ION network?  I just figured out where to find Versus.  Seems like Comedy Central would be more fitting.
·         The GOP has finally jumped the shark.
·         If you can’t buy an election, buy a debate.
·         Will he ask to see everyone’s birth certificate?

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