Monday, April 23, 2012

Monday Mishegas - April 23, 2012




My favorite jokes (yes they’re mine) on the Secret Service scandal:

·         Apparently the agents thought they could get serviced secretly.

·         One of the agents is claiming they did not know the girls were prostitutes.  Really?  The same guys that are expected to identify potential threats to the President couldn’t ID a prostitute when she was sitting on his face.

·         There is no truth to the rumor that The Hangover III involves hookers and blow in Cartagena, Columbia with the Secret Service.  The wolf pack just expanded.

·         The prostitutes claim that the dispute was centered around the agents refusal to pay.  Apparently the agents misunderstood the terms of the new Columbia-America Free Trade Agreement  (CAFTA).

Solutions looking for problems.  Weston, FL has outlawed nightclubs, dancehalls and skating rinks, even though the town doesn’t have any, because these establishments, according the town's mayor, can be harbingers of criminal activity.  I’m seeing Roller Footloose coming to a theater near you, unless you live in Weston, FL.

On June 12, a special election will take place in Arizona for Gabrielle Giffords’ vacant House seat.  The contenders are Democrat Ron Barber, a former Giffords’ aide, and Jesse Kelly, an Iraq war veteran and Tea Party darling.  Kelly is also the GOP nominee that Giffords defeated in 2010, and the same small minded NRA-loving ignoramus who ran an ad in 2010 asking voters to help ‘take out’ Giffords by joining him in shooting an M-16 at a rally. 

Brazil has made abortion legal in the cases where the fetus has no brain.  A similar law here could save us from some Tea Partiers.

According to the New York Times, for every U.S. soldier killed on the battlefield in 2012, 25 veterans will commit suicide.  6,500 veteran suicides are reported every year; more than the total number of lives lost in Iraq and Afghanistan combined.

In one of Silvio Berlusconi’s infamous ‘Bunga Bunga’ parties, it seems two women, dressed up as nuns, stripped for the former Italian PM and then were paid $2,600 to have sex with him.  No word if this is also in the U.S. Secret Service playbook.

Give Julia Louis-Dreyfus the Emmy nomination based on just one episode of HBO’s Veep.  Hysterically funny show.  And to the critics of HBO’s Girls, the show is NOT a young woman’s version of Sex in the City, the only things these shows have in common are they feature women in New York City.  That’s like saying The Walking Dead and Real Housewives of Atlanta are similar because they feature brain dead people in Georgia.  Oh wait.

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