Monday's Mishegas - November 15th Edition

-        Big controversy over the new airport scanning machines and the new pat down methods.  People everywhere are asking “Do I want increased security or my privacy protected?” I ask “Does this new scanner make my ass look big?”

-        Speaking of these new security measures, how do they exactly improve cargo security?  How would this have prevented the toner cartridge bomb scare from two weeks ago?

-        After one meeting with the 13 freshman GOP senators, minority leader Mitch McConnell pulled a quick 180 and now says he will support the banning of all earmarks.  Folded like origami. 

-        Why do most right wing commentators come across has mean lying self-loathing sob’s while most left wing commentators come across as nasty petty self loathing d-bags?  Rachel Maddow excluded.

-        With pending gridlock heading to Washington, I propose that Congress adopt a new method to pass legislation: The Magic 8-Ball.  Each side alternates asking a key critical question about pending legislation.  For instance: John Boehner can ask: Should we cut taxes for the richest 1% Americans?  Response: Outlook not so good.  Harry Reid can ask: Should we repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?  Response: Better not tell you now.

-        Will Michael Steele collect unemployment when the RNC cans his ass?  Ironic that he travelled around the nation in a Fire Pelosi bus, and he’s the one about to get canned.

-        Nominee for best casting ever: Bill Clinton in a cameo in the Hangover II

-        I thought I was getting into Palin’s Alaska show last night as it depicted a bunch of folks living off the land without any of civilization’s pleasantries dining on raw flesh.  Then I realized I was watching AMC’s The Walking Dead.

-        Good thing I have FTD.com in my favorites.  Makes ordering flowers much easier after acting like an ass in the morning.  OK OK OK, I wasn’t acting.

-        ABC announced its latest brainchild Skating with the Stars, because that’s what America needs: more has beens and never weres in a ridiculous competition.  I am a little jaded because ABC has not responded to my suggestions: Kickboxing with the Stars, Dueling with the Stars, and Cliff Diving into Shark Infested Waters with the Stars.